Every day there is a new change that comes to light in our new world of single mom life. Moments that I realized I always thought would be there that are now lost, changed. Not big changes – those were all sudden and hard – but small changes that suddenly hit me here and there.
I sat at work quieter than usual. Feeling a little miserable from my cold. My boss told me I could go home as I stared at the clock – two more hours till I was supposed to leave and no work in the office. I quickly took her up on it. I felt guilty as I drove home, maybe I should have offered to stay, I needed the hours but I wanted to get home. I realized why I wanted to rush home.
This morning as I got the boys ready for school I gave Zane a sympathetic hug as he wheezed and coughed. He had caught the cold that was going around the house. I had found myself more reluctant than usual to go to work, but I did what I needed to. I went to work.
As I drove home from work it hit me, I was sad and mopey at work because this was the first time in my single mom life I wasn’t going to be able to snuggle my sick kiddo. After years of always being there I couldn’t be there for him today.
He is almost 12 years old he really can care for himself but the fact that my ability to be there for him had been stolen hit me again. Every so often I realize the moments that I will lose because I have to work. Because I’m now a single mom.
I fought hard to make sure that I could try and give them as much time as possible. I fought for the support so that I could make the changes as small as possible at first. But it’s still slowly changing their world and mine. Every now and then I am reminded of these changes and these moments we have lost.